Bertie's Quandary
by umgirl2000
Summary: Using the voice of Bertie, it takes from the last time we saw him in 6x08 till close to the next time we saw him... multi-chaptered.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: Thank you for the kind, sweet and motivating reviews on my previous "Downton Abbey" works. Someone said that I wrote Bertie quite well. That thought kept going through my mind. This is the resulting fic... and it's longer than a one-shot!_

It wasn't until Bertie had gotten on the plane to Tangiers that he finally let his mind stop and rework over the events of the last few days. He wished he could pull out his journal and write the thoughts down, but with the bumpy ride he knew it wouldn't be wise. He would have to work through his thoughts and write them down later. His thoughts, though, were about as unsettled and as bumpy as this plane ride.

Bertie wouldn't have believed his thoughts would have been so unsettled when he left Brancaster for Downton. Though his grief for his cousin was severe, there had been a light in the darkness: his engagement to Edith would hopefully soon be settled and official. His life and lifestyle had been thrown a huge curve, but his anchor, his Edith would keep him settled.

After arriving at his hotel, Bertie stretched out on his bed and tried to relax. According to the hotel owner it wouldn't take him long to settle his cousin's debts and he could be back on his way home by the end of the week. While he wasn't looking forward to the flight, he was ready to be home again. It was a weakness of his, he knew, but he was a homebody.

Once home, things would have to be done to cancel the funeral. As the new Marquess, Bertie had already made a official decision- there would be no public memorial for him. Peter had been more at home in Tangiers than Brancaster and his funeral had already taken place here. His mother wouldn't approve but he knew in his heart that the attendance would be poor and his cousin would be a spectacle even more now. If he wanted his cousin to be allowed to save some sense of his name, this would be the best decision.

Bertie picked up the small leather bound book on his bedside and opened it. He still hadn't written about the upheaval with Edith.. he still couldn't find the words. Instead, he found himself starting back at the beginning... back to that day when he had met her... He settled himself back and began to read the familair words and hoped by the time he finished his "sound moral compass" would point him in the right direction.

 _As of right now, the plan is to go through journal entries for the next couple of chapters. Reviews are this person's motivations and food for thought._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: The Beginning**

 _I can't believe my luck. Today, this thursday in October, I was invited to the shooting event. It did not suprise me to hear that I almost got ousted from the event- it has happened before and will happen again- but that wasn't the marvelous part. I wound up shooting beside a glorious creature named Lady Edith. She's the daughter of the Earl of Grantham... which means she is way above me. But, I can't help still thinking about her._

 _It was one of the most entertaining times I've had on a shooting to be honest... Even answering all of her questions was a pleasure... I wanted her to know me. I don't know why she has captured me so easily, but she has. I've never been in love before, but could this be the start?_

Bertie read that last line and smiled. By the time he knew he was in love with Edith, he had fallen hard. It was easy to look back on that time period and know that his feelings for her had only just begun.

 _It surprised me when she said that she felt "completely happy"... why would a lady like her ever be unhappy?_

Bertie realized as he read that last line that her being unhappy may have had something to do with Marigold's parentage. She had told him about Michael Gregson- not in great detail, but enough for him to understand how she came to have his flat in London- and he guessed he was Marigold's father. With his death and a child born out of wedlock, no wonder Edith had hardly a reason to be happy.

 _Later, Edith even came and searched for me when I went out to my car to find my white tie. I'm still not a fan of wearing one, but for Lady Edith, I will do so. And the dance we shared that night... I'm now glad that my mother forced me to learn to dance... it was never something I wanted to learn, but I did. Tonight, I finally knew why... my mom had told me when the right lady came along, I would want to sweep her off her feet and treat her like a queen and dancing was one of the ways to do so. She had looked so tense talking to Tom- the agent and her brother-in-law I later learned- that I wondered what was up. I tried to ask her and she explained it was their ward... Marigold._

Marigold... how many times did she wish to tell him the truth from that conversation forward and be unable to do so? As he read the rest of the entry, he noticed that even then he realized she would draw the conversation away from herself anytime Marigold was mentioned. She turned the questions on him and he had answered them. The last lines of the journal entry gave him pause as he reread it:

 _I highly doubt I will see this lovely lady again. We are worlds apart, she and I... If our paths do cross, it is simply because of grace and I will treat her like the gift that I know her to be. I don't know the reason for her unhappiness, but if I can do anything in my power, I will always make her happy if I was given the chance to hold her in my arms and call her my own._

Bertie closed the journal with a thud and threw it at his suitcase. He had been given a chance to call her his own and he had blown it. Yes, her secret child was part of it... but he was beginning to realize that she was not the only one to blame.

Author's Note: I doubt I will keep publishing at this pace. Real life is bound to catch up with me. But, I've been bitten by the "Bedith" bug and the writing bug, so the story has been updated.

Reviews are my life line and very much appreciated. Any suggestions or ideas for moving forward please let me know... I'm thinking a chapter per episode up to 6x08 and then a conclusion of sorts... maybe...


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: A Second Chance**

Bertie Pelham was beginning to miss his life as a simple agent. While he didn't blame Peter for dying too early, he had made his life rather complicated. As a Marquess, there were all sorts of rules and regulations that had to be adhered to and it was rather bothersome to him. He had grown up a simple man with no real goals or ambitions and it had suited him... but, now... he could only imagine the list his mother would have waiting for him when he arrived home. If only he had someone at his side that could guide him down this complicated road. Someone like Edith... his eyes fell on his journal and he picked it up and flipped forward a few months until that fateful day in late March.

 _I know I should be sleeping, but I am way too exhilarated. I can not believe my luck... I had stopped at my favorite bookstore yesterday and was perusing the titles trying to find one to read on the long train ride home and I spotted someone who looked familiar to me. I haven't seen her since that fateful day at Brancaster, but I haven't forgotten her. It was her... Lady Edith Crawley._

 _I admit, it does seem, she had forgotten me. I suppose it could have also been the stress of her magazine "The Sketch" may have been her focus. She was very quick and savvy to remind me that she owned one... not that I had forgotten. My mail deliverer was quite surprised to find "The Sketch" as part of my mail delivery after her visit, but I passed it off as the cook had requested a copy. That was a total lie, I'm ashamed to admit, for I devoured it searching for anything about or by Edith Crawley..._

Bertie smiled at the memory. He hadn't ended the subscription after they had become official. In fact, the copy they had worked on was carefully preserved in his office- a cherished memory. He had thoughts of presenting it to her as a anniversary gift to remind her of when he had fallen hard for her. But, now that was just a distant past thought... or was it?

 _We agreed to meet for drinks at seven that night. I admit my mind wasn't on my errands the rest of the day. Several of the meetings I can't recall what I did or said. I may have to straighten things out when I get home._

Bertie smirked at the last line. He had quite a few things to straighten out when he arrived home. One of the men had told him that he was normally quite dependable to be correct and a perfectionist and it had surprised him when it wasn't! Bertie had apologized for the mistake, but chalked it up for a good reason.

 _When she arrived at Rules, I was at first annoyed that she couldn't stay for drinks. I had hoped to extend it to dinner halfway through, but then I heard her tale... and I knew I had to help her. I just can't stand to see a lady in need, and when it's a lady as lovely as Lady Edith, I have to help. When she mentioned the lines of pouring coffee and carrying bits of paper around, I immediately volunteered to do so. I may be a lowly agent, but I can do that!_

Once again, Bertie sighed at the changes in his life. Now, someone would be at his beck and call. It was almost as if when he became the Marquess of Hexham, he had left Bertie Pelham behind. But no, no matter what, he would stay the same person on the inside. His life and wealth had changed dramatically, but if he could stay true to himself, he could and would remain happy... or as happy as a man could be without the love of his life.

 _The rest of that evening passed in a whirlwind. I did as I was told and answered questions as needed. But mostly, I observed. I watched as Edith directed the rest of the people around her. Instead of balking a woman boss, these people accepted her. They trusted her. I couldn't help but admit that she inspired me later... and its true. She has an idea about what to do with the rest of her life, and here I am a lowly agent. She makes me want to be a better person, a better man... one who could possibly be worthy of this wonder of a woman._

As he read that last line, Bertie realized that it was true. He was a better person and a better man when he was near her. Something about Edith made him want to be the best person he could be- her drive, her passion for life, her ability to bounce back- all inspired him. And he had closed the door... but was it permanently?

Author's Note: What do you know... another chapter...

I have no idea why or how I can write so well in the voice of Bertie. I guess he's a character that I can so identify with and wish to know in real life, that I can take him on with my words.

Reviews, suggestions and comments are a life source to this writer. Also, if you have a pretty good idea of timeline I would love to read it!


	4. Chapter 4: An Inkling

_Author's Note: I'm going to assume it takes a month at least between when he leaves in 6x08 till they meet again at the Ritz. The trip to Tangiers and back would have taken quite awhile back in those days..._

 **Chapter 4: An Inkling**

Bertie was beginning to miss being at home. The problem with travel was that he never stayed put. He was living out of suitcases and it was about to drive him crazy. For a man who preferred to stay organized, this was testing him to his limits. Thankfully, his travels were about ready to end. The next morning he would catch a flight to begin his long travel back home to Brancaster. The flight was one of those things he wasn't looking forward to but it was the quickest way to get home.

With a sigh, Bertie opened his briefcase. With a quick check to make sure the paperwork was still in order, his eyes fell upon the letters. He slowly reached in and fingered them. They were letters to him from Edith- written after he had helped put out the magazine. It had been a great joy and delight to him to find them in the post, and he had savored each one. His mind wandered to the journal entry after he had met Edith in London...

 _What a wonderful day... I can hardly believe that I have kissed Edith... a woman so wonderful, so worldy... but I can't help but notice doesn't have much faith in herself or finding happiness..._

 _But, I digress. We agreed to meet in one of the parks and had the most wonderful conversation. Once again, she was in blue and looked stunning. It felt to me like the conversation was a test of sorts- a test to see if I was a man she would like to spend more time with while she was in London... and I must have passed for I was invited to her flat and to take her to dinner._

Bertie smiled at the memory of asking his friend Michael from the bookstore for help with dinner reservations. Michael had suggested Cafe Du Paris and Bertie smiled at the suggestion. It would do very well, but could he get reservations at such short notice? Michael grinned and said that his brother-in-law owned it, and he would be happy to call in the favor. By the time Bertie had left the bookstore, dinner reservations had been confirmed. He had left the bookstore with a smile on his face and headed back to his hotel room to change- ever so thankful he had brought his tux with him.

 _I can't help but remember the kiss. So simple, so tasteful, so wonderful... I had been afraid I was pushing my luck... Ever since I told her that she inspired me (which she still does... even more now), I have been waiting and hoping for a kiss. And it was better than I had even imagined... or even hoped for... I only hope I can kiss her for the rest of my life._

At that last line, Bertie paused. It had been wishful thinking, kissing her for the rest of his life, for it wouldn't happen now. She had lied to him, and he couldn't get over the fact. Or had he already? As the time had passed in Tangiers, Bertie realized that the his feelings for Edith had only gotten stronger. As much as he tried to get over her, she would fight her way back into his heart. He was beginning to realize that his love for Edith was stronger than he dared realized. He also realized from reading the journal entries that he could see something holding her back. He didn't know what it was then... but it was almost a foreshadowing of the future...

H _ow can she say that she is not worthy of me? I am the commoner... she is an aristocrat... she's throughly modern, and most people call me a stick in the mud... What is holding her back, I wonder? I don't know what it is... but I fear that whatever it is may tear us apart in the future..._

 _What do you know... another chapter on another day... I am loving the Bedith fanfic flurry that is happening... so nice to see the notifications of an email as a new story is posted or updated... I can only hope that it happens more as people meet Bertie again in 6x03 here in America._

 _Reviews, likes, comments and/or suggestions are my food for thoughts... until the next chapter..._


	5. Chapter 5: Overwhelmed

**Chapter 5: Overwhelmed**

Bertie Pelham breathed a sigh of relief. He finally had a moment of peace. A moment of silence. Ever since he had arrived home, there had been one "crisis" after another. Somethings could be solved easily... others not quite as easy.

Bertie had found his small house had been packed up while he was gone and his things moved into the master bedroom. He had been immensely thankful that he thought to keep his copies of "The Sketch" hidden in a drawer of his desk. His mother may have insisted everything be moved, but she knew how particular he was about his desk. It was left to him to do.

Other things had popped up as well... and the state of the estate was needing his attention. Looking over the books, Bertie realized that allowing the public into the house might help with the situation. While his mother may not approve, it might help revive Brancaster back into the place of history and charm that he knew it could be. He would have to make sure the resident historian, Jacob Marles, was available to to do tours for the memory of Edith and her family doing it made him laugh.

Once again, the thought of Edith made him sigh. He hadn't broken the news about the non-engagement to his mother yet... and to be honest, he wasn't sure why. Ever since he had begun to read his journal over again, he had begun to realize that this relationship might just be strong enough to survive it.

 _Tonight, I am sleeping at Downton- the home of my beloved Edith. When I rang her up to let her know I would be in London later this month, she invited me here. I couldn't help but smile at the invitation and eagerly accepted. Ever since her Father had gone through that horrific incident at dinner, Edith has stuck quite close to home. I am glad that she was able to call me and seek comfort from my words after it happened..._

 _After several stolen kisses on the drive up to the mansion, I was taken aback at the size of Edith's home. It's not as near as big as Brancaster, but it is sizable. Once again, I can hardly imagine her moving to a agent's cottage... Oh yes, Edith drove me to the home. She is full of surprises... and I love learning more about her each day._

 _Dinner was a sizable affair. We had it in the small dining room since Earl Grantham couldn't come down. As I listened to their plans, I couldn't help but take over. It was just impossible for me not too... no guides, no real plans... so, I stepped in to help. Lady Mary didn't seem pleased with me taking over, but it was something to be done._

 _Seeing Lady Mary's name reminded him of the newspaper one of the servants had laid aside for him. He picked it up and flipped through it searching for the mention of the Crawley family... Ah, there it was... Lady Mary Crawley had gotten remarried ... to Henry Talbot. He wished Henry luck for he found Lady Mary to be slightly frosty in her reception of him and Edith. Her reaction to the happy announcement of his engagement to Edith still made him cringe... but, she had found happiness with Henry. Was it possible for him to find happiness with Edith?_

 _Another thing intrigued me... Edith went to visit the night nursery before going down for dinner. She introduced me to Master George, Sybbie and Marigold. There is something special about Edith's relationship with Marigold, but I can't put my finger on it..._

Instinct had proven him right... there relationship was special... it was a mother-daughter one. While he wished he had time to reflect more on that revelation, duties as the new Marquess called his name.

Bertie finally collapsed on his bed... simply thankful and grateful for the end of the day. He knew now that a new agent must be found sooner rather than later, but until then, he would have to cover both duties. A silver lining of that problem was it kept him away from his mother's prying eyes and her questions. He repicked up his journal and read the next night's entry... which was short.

 _After Edith said that her way of life is rather strange, I find I'm agreeing with her... This way of life is changing. Women, such as Edith, are making strides toward living their own lives. They can drive cars, own flats and run their own magazines. I'm seeing more and more servants choosing to better themselves than stay stuck in the same pattern as their parents... I can only hope that I can make the move into the future without staying stuck like a rut in the past..._

With that last line, Bertie knew he had hit the nail on the head. He needed to move forward into the future. He had already accepted that Edith would continue working after they got married... it was such a deep part of her that even now he would hate for her to give it up. Now, it was up to him to accept the fact that she wasn't as simple as she could be.

 _two chapters in one day... call it inspiration struck late at night... I have an idea how I want to end this story... but I have to figure it out first... I'm saying two more chapters and this thing is done... after that, I may need another idea..._

 _Reviews, comments, suggestions and/or ideas are this writers food._


	6. Chapter 6: Resolution

**Chapter 6: Resolution**

Bertie Pelham was standing at his favorite place in Brancaster. Along one of the walls it offered the best view of the place, and it had become his favorite place to stop and think. Even as an agent, he would come to this place. Many times Peter had sought his counsel along this wall.

Peter... thinking about his cousin made him pause. Peter's lifestyle and the way he was treated and talked about at and around Brancaster had given Bertie more of a backbone than he realized. Even now, with his mother, he wasn't afraid to stand up to her. He may not be able to stop her comments, or everyone else, but he was able to take them and handle them. It made him sop and think about the situation with Marigold... could he handle the rumors about her?

Bertie sighed and pulled out his journal. As he did, a piece of paper flew out and hit the ground. He picked up the paper and smiled at the handwriting- his beloved grandmother Rebecca Matthews. When things became overwhelming with his mother, he would seek out her refuge and advice. She was a strong woman of faith, and always had a quote for him. Before she died, she gave him this piece of paper and told him when he met his future wife to always remember these verses. If he could treat her with the same respect, it would be a long and happy marriage. He had forgotten about that piece of paper until now... so, he reverently read it once again- imagining her voice reading the sacred words to him once more.

 _4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity._

 _Remember, dear Bertie... Charity is another word for love just as Christ loved us... So, remember love always conquers all. By all, I mean everything- lies, past mistakes... even things this dear grandmother can't imagine. Don't let these things stand in the way of your future happiness._

Bertie wiped away the tears in his eyes. He was glad no one was nearby to see him weep over a simple piece of paper. His grandmother would have loved Edith, and would have been ashamed that he had not let the love in his heart conquer everything. He wasn't happy at all right now.. his diet and work had suffered and he knew the only cure was to get things straightened with Edith.

* * *

 _I proposed marriage today to Edith. She didn't immediately say yes, but she didn't say no either. After the day we had at the races and the unfortunate death of Charlie Rogers, I can see why she may have been hesitant. Something else was holding her back..._

Bertie read the last line and could see the last puzzle piece fall into place. As his mind flew through the last time he had seen Edith, he realized that in reality he had pushed her for an answer. The shock of Marigold's parentage hadn't really been the final nail in the coffin for their relationship, it was just another obstacle. She had been willing to accept him as a lowly agent and made him feel like a prince. When he had become the Marquess, she still had accepted him no matter the reservations. She saw the problems before them with the news of her illegitimate child, and had hesitated. She tried to give him a way out of the engagement, but he had pushed forward. The broken engagement was as much her fault as it was his. It was only now- with the grief for his cousin in check- that he could see the answer in front of him- he must find a way to win her back and soon.

"Lord Hexham... there's a phone call for you. She says her name is Mary Talbot and it is important" came the voice of his butler. Bertie turned at the name, shocked by it, but went to answer the phone.

 _I'm going to London to win the love of my life back. This last month without her has been terrible. I am thankful for my journal right now, for it has become my voice of reason throughout this. And I thank my grandmother for having the words to say to me- even from the grave. I must take the time to remember those words and put them into practice. If Edith accepts me, the only way our relationship will survive and thrive is if we can love each other with this kind of love._

 _There are many obstacles in front of us- my new reign, my mother, Marigold- but with our love I know we can survive. I know know that her story shows only her courage, her decency, her loyalty, and her high regard for truth! And if I'm truthful with myself, she has been the better person throughout this ordeal, and I can only hope I can show her through my love, my loyalty and my treatment of her how much she means to me._

* * *

And now the story catches up to the meeting at the Ritz... I have an epilogue of sorts coming... this chapter took a different turn than I was thinking it would... the 1 Corinthians 13 passage was running through my head and I had to use it... and I had a grandmother, much like Bertie's, who taught me much about faith.

Reviews, comments, suggestions and the like are music on my phone each time I get a review :D


	7. Chapter 7: Epilogue

**Chapter 8: Epilogue**

Bertie Pelham was on a mission, and he was bound and determined to keep this gift a secret from his wife. The problem was finding the time available to get to London to have it done. Each time he found an opportunity, something else would come up and there went his chance.

As luck would have it, he found the perfect time at the end of November. His wife was now six months pregnant with their child and sick with a cold. The cold had her miserable, but she was determined to get Christmas gifts for everyone. Bertie volunteered to head to London- with her list- and get the items. She finally relented after realizing the snowy cold weather would only make her cold worse.

After stopping at the specific places on Edith's list, Bertie walked toward the magazine's office. He had phoned ahead and got a hold of one of the layout guys who would meet him inside. He had a plan in mind, but needed his help to execute it.

Several hours later, Bertie returned to the office. When he was handed the piece of paper, he was stunned. The man had done a better job than Bertie had ever dreamed. He even handed him the name of a local shop to get it framed. With a generous tip, Bertie left and went to get it framed... and it was perfection.

* * *

My _Darling wife, my Edith,_

 _I have never revealed this to you... but I am taking the time on our first wedding anniversary to do so... When I was caught in my quandary over what to do about us... I found a note from my grandmother in my journal... she had written it so very long ago and had these verses on them... When I read them, I knew in my heart our love was strong enough to survive... and I was more than right._

 _After we returned from our honeymoon, I found another version of the Bible at my favorite bookstore. When I read the verses in the American Revised Standard Version, I knew what my anniversary gift to you would be. I decided to add this letter and personalize it for your own eyes, since I have no doubt the frame will be on display._

 _ **Love is patient,**_

 _How many times have I exasperated you with tales of being a Marquess,_

 _and you have loved me through them?_

 _ **love is kind and is not jealous;**_

 _I have to admit the jealous part is a bit harder,_

 _I can't stand the thought of another man admiring my beautiful wife!_

 _ **love does not brag and is not arrogant**_ _,_

 _As much as you deserve to brag about you,_

 _you don't... and arrogant? not a word to describe you ever_

 _ **does not act unbecomingly;**_

 _for all the times you have kept me in step as I still adjust to this title,_

 _I can only give you my sweet thanks..._

 _ **it does not seek its own,**_

 _you are the epitome of grace, even more so now carrying our child_

 _and humble as you have soared in your new calling as Marchioness_

 _ **is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,**_

 _For the few times we have argued,_

 _you have forgiven and loved me..._

 _ **does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;**_

 _As we continue to walk forward, let us continue to walk in truth_

 _Lies and mistakes almost separated us forever..._

 _ **bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.**_

 _Let these be true for all eternity and beyond..._

 _know that I believe in you- as a wife, a mother, a Marchioness,_

 _a modern woman, a magazine owner..._

 _No matter what you choose to do,_

 _I will always support and love you..._

 _I love you now and always,_

 _your Bertie_

* * *

 _ **New Years Eve 1925**_

The tears streaked down Edith's face as she read the letter. On the table beside her was her gift from Bertie. He had given the verses and had them decoratively written and printed. After they were printed, an artistic border had been added and it was now beautifully framed- ready to be hung. She knew her husband had a romantic streak, but this went above and beyond her expectations. She couldn't find the words to thank her husband, she simply let her lips and hands do the talking.

The letter would be kept in a drawer along with the letters from their courtship. The frame was placed predominately on her dresser. Each day they both would stop and read it once again and remind themselves that it was the definition of love.


End file.
